[[ ~ 2015 ~ ]]: the "CLEAN IT" year [[~ 2016 ~]]: the "CREATE IT"year!

My last entry was a summary of 2014. My inactivity here is fitting for how non-conventional and unscripted 2015 was. I left 2014 with no clue where the new year would take me. My fear and doubt was weakening, so that was cool. But clarity? None of that.

In January 2015, not only was I still "crowd surfing" (over a year of being home free, crashing with friends or family, all my belongings in my car, and 2 cats being cared for by a friend), but it felt like every step forward dished out two steps back. I was having a hard time getting along with co-workers at my restaurant job, the money wasn't survival worthy, and - worst of all - it just didn't FEEL right.

My journey over the last three years was heavily focused on navigating life through my instincts, which usually paid off in greater dividends then I could manipulate through force (Exhibit A that the gut and heart trump the brain in the smarts department). It was helpful that the "logical" choices I made either fell through or didn't bear fruit (like not getting jobs I knew I was qualified for). I was being forced to just start listening to my instincts, even if they didn't make sense. So doing ANYTHING that didn't FEEL right dishonored the great lengths I had gone through to this point, and was increasingly unbearable to try.

Feeling determined to lunge toward progress for myself, it felt like the time to explore new home base ideas. I heard Marin County, California was a "high vibrating", beautiful and progressive part of the country, so I decided to check it out (six hours north of LA, just over the Golden Gate Bridge). I knew it was north of San Francisco, so the potential for colder weather turned me off, but not as much as the quick sands of LA were turning me off!

One week into the new year, I carved out 48 hours to investigate this new potential. My car wasn't in the best shape, so the Universe lined up the necessary resources for me to safely drive the 12 hour round trip. Again, all I had to do was put things in motion and the pieces fell where they needed to fall.

Arriving in the north Bay, so many unmistakable clues appeared, suggesting this was a good idea. Like the car in front of me paying my toll as I entered Marin from Berkeley. Being hired at a restaurant - on the spot. Being noticed, and HIT ON, by men (I had basically been invisible in LA for 5 years)! All signs pointed towards YES...MOVE YOUR ASS UP HERE. Including the incredibly generous housing offer from a friend in San Francisco. She opened her home to my cats and I while I got on my feet.

Being reunited with my cats was huge beyond measure. I cried happy and relieved tears for the first hour of our drive out of LA. I MADE IT! I WAS ON THE UPSWING! THINGS WERE FALLING INTO PLACE! It felt like I had been holding my breath while they were away. I knew they were being loved and cared for, but my "life" felt incomplete while we were apart.

The speed with which things began to clean up was just magical. Even sitcom-worthy! Within 5 months my car and license were legal again, I had health care, and I could feel stability approaching.

The next issue was affordable housing on my low-income restaurant job. Even with my new part time job, finding a home for my 2 cats and I that I could afford was impossible. Marin rental spaces did not favor having pets. Especially when one pee's around the house out of territory and emotional frustration (the "one" not being me, obvs). We couldn't live with other animals or children lest we wreck the joint. I was desperate, not in a good living situation, and needed to be in a stable home - stat. I was on the brink of rehousing my beloved fur babies, which pained me to the core to consider. I couldn't understand how it got to this point - but having them kept everyone stuck in an unhealthy situation. My attempts to rehouse them kept failing! Again, I believe whole-heartedly that our life experience is communicating to us. If my cats were meant to move on, it wouldn't be a struggle to send them on their way. Though it was excruciating to fathom parting with them, I'm glad our relationship came to that place. I was forced to take a good hard look at what our little family meant to me, what they meant to me, and what was in everyone's best interest - not just my selfish interests. Despite my intentions and progress, my life didn't feel suitable for giving them what they needed, and I wasn't able to do anything about it - which made me frustrated with them! I got to experience a wide spectrum of relationship challenges in such a short period of time.

Just when our domestic challenges reached a boiling point, a solution arose bigger and better than I could've dreamed up! We were able to flee and land safely in a new temporary home.

In the midst of said housing crises, I recalled the advise one of my customers at the restaurant gave me. She was my age and RETIRING from her job as a life insurance agent. She helped me realize my potential, the gifts I have naturally, and that they need to be unleashed in a bigger way. Feeling the truth of this, I began pondering what I could do that would feed my souls love for revolutionary changes, and my natural ability to inspire and empower others - while making fat cash and living BIGGER. Brainstorming with a friend we noodled our way to the solar industry. Revolutionary AND lucrative. And a natural step since I'd been working in Reiki energy healing already, only the heat from this industry was a smidge hotter :)

I was hired quickly by SolarCity - a revolution-minded company rated highest in quality and technology - and have been thriving since. This job gives me the tools necessary for addressing any perceived dysfunctional beliefs of smallness, inadequacies, personal doubts or apprehensions. It's been the time for putting on my big girl panties :)

Since late September, my cats and I have been living in the most expensive, tiniest but cutest, most perfect little home - WITH NO ROOMMATES OR WALL-ATTACHED-NEIGHBORS - and it's wonderful. Magically the rent and other living costs are being paid, even when logic would suggest otherwise. We're sliding into the new year and logic STILL doesn't have the mic. #winning

I've been so blessed [!!!!!!!!!] with continued support (throughout life, really, but specifically) during this chapter. Friends and family extended a hand, money, a home!, cat care, an ear, their heart - whatever I needed - to help me navigate my transition out of logic and into inner wisdom. It has been the toughest but most rewarding chapter of my life. I wouldn't change a thing! Every gnarly encounter, defunct attempt, toxic relationship - all of it - taught me more about myself and what old programs I have running below the surface than any other time period.

We're all creating our life experience, like it or not, and these last few years have taught me to decode what's going down before (and within) me. I'm learning myself and falling in love with what I'm learning. This is truly the ticket to personal growth - the ONLY on-ramp essentially - loving ourselves. Only from that place are we even interpreting reality in the clearest way, and able to offer our gifts and positive influences in the world.

Why all the fuss about "following our intuition"? Cuz that's the only GPS that'll work in this new world! We're rewriting our story every day from a clean slate - all the old programs of fear-based scarcity and separation won't work, and we need to build anew. We have no blueprints except for what FEELS right.

This coming year is time to play. Time to create! Consciously and intentionally creating what we know will work. Not being mired down with heavy issues, but solutions! Inclusive ideas! Growth potential! Fun! Beauty! Laughter! Playfulness!

This is the year we see the fruits of our labor. We see what we're capable of. Our personal mastery and potential spewing forth, blazing new trails and unleashing never-before conceived of ideas. I'm so excited to be in the unfolding of what 2016 will bring! I'm so excited to contribute! I'M SO EXCITED TO DO THIS!

THANK YOU FOR THE LIGHT 2015!
LET'S GO 2016!

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