I finally did it. I've been sitting on this issue for a while, (seemingly) locked in the land of no way out. But I did it...I let go of needing to see a clear plan (or even a foggy plan). I just made a move forward, for my own good....totally blind.
And it worked. Holy socks did it work.
I've needed to move from where I'm living for a while now, but have had an impressive list of "Yeah, but.." 's holding me back.
And by "list" I mean "story". Anything but impressive.
The last couple of years of my life's journey has been a fascinating melt down of sorts. Slowly but surely the infrastructure of my reality is crumbling. Part of this new paradigm deal. Something we're all feeling in one way or another, just may not identify it as a "paradigm shift". But I do. Cuz it is. And the shift has definitely hit the fan.
And fear has no place in it. If it's guiding our behavior, it'll be challenged.
Fear is a HUGE sculptor in our lives. Not fear of being hit by cars when running through traffic (a healthy fear....just don't run through traffic), but imagined fear of "What if...?" These are endless yet meaningless, and are great for manifesting the destiny we don't want.
Fear based choices will undoubtedly create suffering in one form or another. Which includes preventing us from living truly meaningful lives, to our highest potential, with our most liberated and unapologetic creativity guiding our way.
As of late, it's felt right to challenge these "What if" fears. This most recent challenge outcome rhymed with "Bucket"
I've been struggling with(-out) money and solid work this year, so moving from my current low-rent-room seemed like a pipe dream. My efforts to land a new set up kept bombing. Frustration and fear were building (picture an internal volcano here).
It's been recommended that I just walk anyway. Just leave where I'm living. Make a move and the Universe will take me seriously. Eek!
The "impressive list" of reasons why I hesitated included "Yeah, but i have 2 cats! Many boxes of things I'll need...eventually. Lots of clothes! You know, STUFF! Am I just supposed to be homeless? Give my cats away? Couch surf? Just go move in with my sister in Boston?" I've put the word out to my friends that I was looking for a place to go while my life continued to unravel itself into whatever it's going to look like, but I've not found any leads to date.
This process of letting my intuition steer the boat can be scary at times. The irony there is, when fear takes over, we can't hear our intuition! My inner knowing has gained strength over the last couple years, so i've become more comfortable "reading" that guidance. Doesn't mean I always listen (part of this whole free-will-human-condition I'm riddled with right now).
Sunday night, I looked deeply into my gut (not literally....you know what I mean). I asked her (my gut...she's female) - for the umpteenth time - if I need to just walk away. This was my last yes. So I finally said "Fuck it. I'm walking".
I meant it. Not in a frustrated, defeatist way. It was a fearless "Ok here we go...". Inside I felt a shift, and an immediate expansion....a lightening, if you will. I felt PEACE. The next day, I went about my business, knowing I'd have some temporary-cat-caretaker calls to make later that evening.
After work, I visited a friend in the hospital who suffered serious bodily injury, requiring months of time living in a rehab facility. After just 10 minutes of catching up on his situation, and him knowing i've set the wheels in motion to up and move from my current home, he tosses his apartment keys at me saying "I have to live in a nursing home for a few months, just live at my place with your cats!"
People...you can't make this up. This was LESS THAN 24 HOURS AFTER I SAID FUCK IT.
His apartment is only 1.5 miles from my work, across from an amazing vegan pizza joint, I can bring my cats, and I'm able to help him with home delivery things (food, laundry, books, etc.).
WINS ALL UPPIN HURRRR!
This isn't the only time where I've listened to my gut (guiding my actions to go against prevailing wisdom and suggestions) and had an AMAZING turn of events yield better results than anything my wildest dreams could come up with.
Let's stop kidding ourselves. Our cultures "design" is flawed, and in more ways than we can fathom. We gotta let our fearless creativity start redrawing this scene!
I'm being given a chance to help a friend, myself, my cats, and clear through "baggage" i've been dragging around with me (emotional and material).
We're co-creating a new world that will NOT resemble this crazy system we recognize today. I feel it in my fingernails.
If you KNOW something isn't right, but have an impressive list of "What if..."'s, take time in stillness and ask yourself for guidance. Your highest self. LISTEN to the answer packaged as a feeling, chance encounter, lyrics of a song on while you're thinking of the issue, whatever. Pay attention! We're being guided to a better way of being, which surely won't look like what we're used to now. Be open, flexible and have childlike curiosity. Lots of new adventures await!
An east coast native, Nikki spent her college years and beyond as an activist for animals, the environment and social justice issues. Needing to make sense of and come to peace with everything along the way, she began her work on the spiritual level. When she realized that the conditions of our outer world are just reflecting the conditions of humanities inner world, her focus shifted to energy healing arts and yoga. Now a Reiki Master and Yoga Instructor living in San Rafael, California, she coaches clients and groups on vibration raising practices for self love and personal mastery - the recipe for global peace.
Services offered listed under HEALING SERVICES tab.